Celestial Bodies - Flipbook - Page 21
“It’s true. I am trapped in the wrong body. And the truth is that if I could have surgery to
fix it, I would in a hot second. My problem is that none of the bodies into which I would
like to live are available to me. Mine and everyone else’s problem, maybe, I dunno, but my
want of a different topography—however strong it may be and, oh, some days it sure is—
isn’t ever going to be but a patch on the problem… But if I can’t go from the body I have to
a body that I am certain would feel very right—right like having wings would be or even
right like wearing spats would be—then I think, maybe not for me…”
As a queer- and gender-affirming therapist, I have some clients who fear the
permanence of specific surgeries/body modifications, because they are worried
about making an error that takes them in the wrong direction. I don’t really believe
that there are wrong directions, because that implies that there are right ones.
Gender exploration is not linear, there is no path one has to stay on; it’s a spectrum
that can be navigated in many ways, and every change you make along the way is
part of that loopy, unpredictable journey.
Identity changes over time, and body modifications can be a part of that ongoing
transformation; interpretations of past physical changes align themselves with the
internal changes of the dynamic self, often in unexpected ways.
Recognizing that decisions to modify the body can be permanent
but don't necessarily create permanent meaning helps foster the
courage to venture into new territories of expression.
“…which isn’t to say not for you, of course. You should move toward whatever changes,
whatever surgeries, whatever renovations or alterations or restorations will create you
in the glory you deserve, oh yes you should. And you should do it with your usual
style, and you should do it without shame, and when you’re healed up and ready we
can go shopping for something fabulous to showcase the many wonders of you.”
- The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You (S. Bear Bergman, 2009, pp. 48, 52)
